Let's talk about something else... like surrogacy! Unlike adoption, it was 100% positive and life giving, for everyone involved. There was a happy ending and a beautiful little girl that made a family complete. And, it was NOT my child, it was someone else's. I had no moral conflict with this decision.
Jen is my best friend. We grew up together. We were roommates during the college years and after. We were young, living in the city where we spent our days rarely doing what we were supposed to, and our nights being seen, in the scene. I don't think we ever slept during that time, maybe for an hour, then we'd wake up and start all over again the next day. Every morning we'd run into the others room, laughing until we cried, about the gossip and hilarity from the night before. It was excessive, and beautiful, and I wouldn't trade those memories for the world. Nothing important mattered, except perhaps, what we were going to wear.
Then, we both grew tired of it, so we got married. I had babies while she tried and tried to do the same. I spent hours on the phone with her, hearing her agonize about wanting a baby that never came, the failed IVF treatments, and her fear. "You will have a baby" I would tell her. During one of those phone calls, she said they were considering surrogacy. "You can't let a stranger have your baby" I said. So, I offered, which seemed like the logical thing to do. And so it began...
On Mothers Day we transferred two embryos ("perfect" blastocysts) and two weeks later it was confirmed. I was pregnant (with only ONE, thank God). Two weeks after that, it was also confirmed that Jen was pregnant. Fertility specialists, shots, blood work, attorneys, full psychological evaluations, 60 page legal contracts, preterm labor, and two months of bedrest. I was pregnant with a girl, and she was pregnant with a boy. We went through all of it holding hands every nauseous step of the way. I went into labor one month early. Jen and her husband were in the delivery room with my husband and I, she was pregnant, her baby due 5 weeks later. They named her Arden Jo (my middle name). We had our own room, they had theirs with their baby. I pumped colostrum, handed it over, and couldn't wait to get home to my kids. (Let her deal with the sleepless nights :) My job was done.
People ask me if it was hard to give her away, or if I was attached. It was never hard. Maybe because of my adoption experiences, or because I knew all along why I was doing it, I don't know, but yes- I am attached. Arden is a sweet, thoughtful 10 year old and she calls me her "surro-mom". She's part Jen and when I look at her I see the efforts that were made to bring her into this world. I couldn't love her more.
I've had four children. The first one was an unnecessary loss. The next two were planned and everything was done the "right way". The last one was an unconventional gift, and I was the vessel. Being a surrogate was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
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